


Don't Know Where, Don't Know When

by The_Reclusive_Fangirl



Series: John Seed [1]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-22 17:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15587166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Reclusive_Fangirl/pseuds/The_Reclusive_Fangirl
Summary: (Set before the Deputy is first taken to John's bunker, but after the forced baptism)After liberating Seed Ranch, the Deputy finds herself in far more contact with John Seed than she would ever wish to be over the radio. Whether he's trying to wear her down or not doesn't matter after awhile, however, all she knows is that he's easy to mess with.At least until he gets the upper-hand.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Blegh. This is a random fic that I began writing due to my obsession with John Seed. My writing skills are not the best, but it's a fun hobby of mine! Anyways! I hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know if you want more John Seed stuff. My obsession certainly won't be going away anytime soon :D

Liberating a new outpost for the resistance was nothing new for the deputy. She was a good sniper and taking out the Peggies guarding each location hadn’t proved to be much of a challenge as they hadn’t been expecting her.

Her newly acquired outpost, however, was different. It happened to have been John Seed’s home—Seed Ranch. Complete with a runway for his plane. She had refrained from rolling her eyes at every extravagant piece of furniture, or décor she saw—it was _John Seed_ after all. Lowkey wasn’t in his vocabulary.

Curiosity often got the better of her as she still scrambled to understand fully how Hope County had gotten to such a state.

She often found herself reading through documents and listening to the answering machines she came across at liberated locations for the resistance to better understand the county, and what had happened. If she were she lucky enough to survive it all, it would be valuable information for her superiors as to how a cult was able to gain so much power.

Seed Ranch, as to be expected, felt extraordinarily personal. More so than any other place she had liberated from the cult. Despite their victory, she still felt as though she was… intruding. She tried to shake the feeling and continued to investigate the home—stumbling upon the corded phone with a red blinking light—indicating it held a message.

“ _After all the atonements, all the confessions, all that you've done for me and Eden's Gate, it's not enough... Is it, John?_ ” The wrathful deputy halted at the sound of non-other than Joseph Seed’s voice—clear and echoed through the large dining hall.

“ _Cast away your past, you need to open up your heart, you need to see that there is more love all around you. All the pain and suffering you spread will not help us in the long run. These actions will only feed the sin inside you. It will grow stronger, it will convince you to do wicked things._ ” Though she put on a tough and quiet façade, all the death and destruction around her, and at her hand had caused a conflict within her chest. Joseph’s words resonated with her as much she didn’t wish for them too 

Guilt. It was an emotion she bore heavily. Each day her guilt, and regrets grew, and piled upon her shoulders. Each day she carried the weight of those she had taken from this world, and each day that burden had become heavier to bear.

She was meant to protect and serve. She was not a soldier, she desired to help everyone—not just the resistance. The members of the cult were people of the community too, and she wasn’t doing anything to help them. In fact, she had already killed many of them.

“ _Those you scar too deeply, they will heal. They will become carriers of your sin. They will spread that sin to others._ ” His words sounded like something John would say to her.

“ _I've seen your death in a vision. You're destined to be slayed by your own sin. It will come back around in a new form, it's only a matter of when._ ” The deputy stayed frozen where she was—listening intently to the ever calm voice of ‘The Father.’

“ _I've seen you die young, I've seen you die old. The difference between the two outcomes is how much love you let into your heart. I pray that you hear these words before it's too late. I want to see you become an old man in the paradise we've prepared for. I love you, brother... I love you._ ” The message ended there.

It pained her to consider such a thought—but she felt a rush for pity for John Seed—he clearly craved nothing more than respect from his brother Joseph, that much was proven to from his reaction to Joseph at the lake.

Perhaps they were not beyond reasoning with… Maybe she could be the one to reason with the Seeds.

With an audible chuckle—that thought vanished from her mind. She must be exhausted. No one could reason with the Seeds. They were beyond anyone’s reach.


	2. The Congratulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John isn't exactly happy about his home being liberated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg. I really don't know what I'm doing but I hope someone likes this fic?? lol I don't have a set plan as far as how many chapters, but I already have a few more written, I just need to proof read them.

_“Deputy. I hear congratulations are in order.”_ Sarcasm laced with venom oozed from her radio. She smirked slightly as she raised the device to her lips and clicked the button to respond.

“John! What a surprise. So nice to hear from you.” She returned in mock cheerfulness. She could practically feel his irritation from where she stood in his grand living room. Sharky was lazing about on John’s couch with a fresh beer in hand and suddenly turned all his attention to her—an amused smirk at his lips.

_“So. You’ve taken my home in the name of your little “Resistance”. Ah, if those walls could talk… well, more accurately scream. Just know that I will get it back—sooner or later. And when I do, maybe I’ll hang your skin as a trophy above the mantle.”_ He hissed with his ever-present charismatic drawl. The deputy smirked.

“Oh, John… I had no idea you cared for me so.” She purred. “Above the mantle…” She let out a breathy gasp. “I’m flattered.” She bit her lip to control her amusement. Sharky laughed openly at the exchange—taking another gulp of his beer.

_“Oh Deputy, I thought I had made my intentions clear.”_ He responded—his voice suddenly calmer with a low purr of his own. He was playing along in her game. _“You will be_ mine _before long. You will say…_ yes. _”_ It was a promise. She raised an eyebrow. John Seed certainly could be unpredictable with his mood. Sharky looked at her seriously.

‘He wants to fuck you.’ He mouthed, placing his beer down to insert his right index finger into an O shape made by his left hand over and over. Dep rolled her eyes and waved him off. He shrugged and retrieved his beer again.

“Mm, well, that sounds lovely and all, but I’ll have to check my schedule and get back to you.” She said. “Next time I want someone to drown me in the river, however, you will be the _first_ person on my list.”

She was graced by an amused chuckle from the other end of the radio.

_“I wonder how long it will take to rid you of that sense of humor, Deputy. Confessions are a serious matter.”_ He responded. She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever made you think I wasn’t being serious?” She asked bashfully—fluttering her eyelashes even though he couldn’t see her.

_“Your soul is covered with sin, Deputy.”_ He said seriously. _“I will eagerly drag you from its clutches and cleanse your soul to be anew.”_

“How heroic of you, John.” She responded dryly. She turned the radio off and tossed it away across the floor. Sharky looked as though he was torn between laughter and pity.

“Shit, Dep. That dude has like, a crazy hard-on for you.” He said, taking another gulp of his beer as she collapsed upon the plush—and likely expensive—couch beside Sharky.

“Shut up, Sharky.” She groaned, rolling over into one of the pillows, which smelled nice—like expensive cologne and fresh laundry. Fuck. Why did John Seed have to have such a nice and comfortable house?!

“No really. I bet he’s got a major hard-on right now thinkin’ ‘bout how yer gonna be sleepin’ in his bed n’ all.” He continued. She scoffed.

“Oh my god, Sharky. That’s fuckin’ crazy.” She said.

“Uh, I’m sorry. What part of John fuckin’ Seeds personality isn’t batshit crazy?” Sharky had a point. Sometimes that pyromaniac used his brain. It was an amazing thing.

The deputy groaned more loudly into the couch—deciding it may not have been a good idea to liberate Seed Ranch.

Perhaps it was time to get out of Holland Valley altogether.


	3. The Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deputy and a few friends gather to enjoy a night of raiding John's kitchen, until they are rudely interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not totally sure how I feel about this chapter? I've read over it so many times I can't tell what works anymore. Hope you guys enjoy regardless! :D

Against her better judgment, the deputy continued to use Seed Ranch as a residence for the next few days. She couldn’t deny herself the massive shower, large comfortable bed, and a huge kitchen full of food.

John’s bed proved to be just what she needed for a good and long nights rest—leaving her feeling incredibly refreshed the next day.

She casually ignored how much she enjoyed sleeping in the enemies soft and plush bed, and how the expensive smell of John’s cologne was beginning to become a comforting scent to her.

She wasn’t the only one to enjoy the luxuries of Seed Ranch. Many of the new friends she had made in Hope County paid a visit to the ranch—eager to make use of its many amenities.

Adelaide and Sharky practically moved into the place, enjoying all the comforts that the enemy had to offer.

The kitchen also had some rather expensive looking alcohol stashed away—which the deputy could only imagine John held as a secret from Joseph. No doubt his older brother wouldn’t approve of such a vice.

It was after liberating another outpost that Adelaide insisted they dig into the wine stash and enjoy a large meal courtesy of John Seed’s kitchen to celebrate. The deputy was more than willing to agree.

They invited others that were nearby to help raid John Seed’s kitchen, so the celebratory evening included Adelaide, Sharky, Hurk, and Jess in the end.

That evening was the next time that the deputy heard from John, as he had been silent after their last conversation. He happened to contact her after they had already opened a bottle of wine, and the rookie deputy was feeling some of the effects of the alcohol.

Hurk and Sharky were helping prepare the chicken they had found in the freezer for baking, while Adelaide, Jess, and the deputy were attempting to put together a vegetable roast and prep a frozen pizza—Hurk and Sharky had already dismissed the vegetables entirely—insisting pizza and chicken was a perfectly healthy meal.

The room was filling with delicious smells. The deputy’s mouth was watering—it had been ages since she had such a filling meal.

 _“Deputy, I see you’ve been quite busy today.”_ The Baptist had drawled from her discarded radio. The sound echoed through the large kitchen. His voice gained the attention of all in attendance, and they watched as the deputy grabbed the radio, and brought it to her mouth to respond.

“John... Are you stalking me?” The deputy asked teasingly. Sharky nudged his aunt and mouthed to her ‘he has a hard-on for’ then pointed to the deputy. Adelaide nodded her head vigorously. The rookie rolled her eyes.

 _“You make that rather easy, my dear Deputy. I just follow the sound of explosions.”_ He returned—his voice full of annoyance.

“I would recommend you don’t leave so many explosive’s laying around then.” She said, taking another sip of the wine. “It’s quite irresponsible.”

 _“More irresponsible than running around with that… Boshaw and his proclivity for flamethrowers?”_ He spat. Sharky smiled proudly and looked to Adelaide, who simply rolled her eyes. The deputy laughed.

“Aw, is somebody jealous? Envy is a sin you know, John.” She mocked. “You really are stalking me then. So, you already know I found your wine stash?” Adelaide smirked and gave her a thumbs up.

It took a few moments for John to respond—clearly, he hadn’t expected her to find out about his sinful pastime.

 _“That wasn’t yours to find, Deputy.”_ He hissed. _“You’re an intruder in my home.”_ She smiled.

“Aw, does big brother not know about your secret stash? I promise I won’t tell.” She purred. Adelaide began to fan herself with her hand, mouthing ‘oh, John!’ mockingly. Sharky joined in, mouthing ‘oh, Deputy!’. Adelaide fainted slowly and dramatically into Sharky’s arms as they made fun of the exchange. Hurk struggled to contain his laughter as he watched.

The deputy rolled her eyes once more and flipped them off in response. Jess stayed to the side and watched with a slight gleam in her eyes.

 _“This is, however, an interesting turn of events, Deputy. Will I need to add gluttony to your growing list of sins?”_ He wondered. The deputy smiled and nodded—as if he could see her lounging about in his kitchen—cabinets fully raided.

“Sure. Might as well.” She said simply. “My friends and I have been thoroughly enjoying the food you have too.” She said with a small giggle—unable to hide her amusement. “Frozen pizza, John? Not watching the ol’ waistline?”

 _“You continue to overstep your boundaries, Deputy. See that you sleep with one eye open.”_ He warned. _“I have been merciful, but I will have you back in my custody soon.”_ She snorted in amusement. 

“Mm, that’s a no can do Johnny. That _big_ comfy bed of yours is just too much. I’m afraid I’m out like a light the moment I lay on it.” She responded, feeling herself become giddy over how much fun it was to tease him. It was becoming her favorite hobby during the conflict with Eden’s Gate.

Once again, it seemed she had stumped him for words, as it took him a few moments before he responded. Jess rolled her eyes and scoffed as she went back to chopping up carrots. Muttering something that sounded vaguely like ‘family of motherfuckers’ as she did.

 _“Keep your wits about you, Deputy.”_ He warned, “when _I have my ranch back rightfully in my possession, see that I don’t find you in my bed dirtying it with your blood soaked clothes. I promise it wouldn’t end well for you.”_ She grinned, feeling her cheeks flush from the alcohol.

“Mm, why is that, John? What would you do to me if I was? Would you rather I wore your clothes in bed?” She purred. He walked directly into that one. Hurk, Sharky, and Adelaide all struggled to muffle their laughter as they kept their attention drawn to their conversation.

 _"What is it you would like me to do to you, Deputy?"_  He asked suggestively. Her smirk fell. “All _sinners must atone, Deputy.”_ He drawled, without missing a beat. _“In the end, I will have you saying…_ yes. _”_ The deputy’s eyes widened slightly, and she felt herself flushing again—this time _not_ from the alcohol.  

The beeping tone of the oven signaling it had finished preheating snatched her away from fully pondering what he was implying.

“Sure thing, John.” She replied quickly, “gotta go, your oven is done preheating.” She clicked the radio off in a rush and pushed it off to the side.

She looked up to meet the smirking face of Adelaide, her hip cocked to the side, and one eyebrow raised.

“Oh, _honey._ He’s got it _bad_.” She said with a shake of her head. Sharky laughed loudly.

“Oh man, Dep, I toldja he had a major hard-on for you!” He said. The deputy rolled her eyes and returned to prepping dinner.

They were being ridiculous. John was just messing with her like she was messing with him…. Right?

…

She _really_ needed to get out of Holland Valley.


	4. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deputy has finally left Holland Valley, and is enjoying the fresh air of the Whitetail Mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is rather boring! I promise things will pick up soon! For now, enjoy a bit more radio banter :D

Ah, the Whitetail Mountains. Full of beautiful landscape, cool air, and mutilated bodies strung up above ‘YOU ARE MEAT’ signs. Lovely.

She had been warned of Jacob, and of what he did. The thought of meeting him terrified her, but at least she was away from John, however, which is all she had wanted.

That didn’t prevent him from contacting her, unfortunately.

“ _Deputy_ …” He had purred from her radio as she took a remote mountain trail—looking to salvage what she could from abandoned cabins with the help of Boomer and Peaches. _“Holland Valley has been quiet as of late. I do hope nothing bad has happened.”_ From his tone—he hoped the absolute opposite of his words.

She debated ignoring him—but John had proved entertaining to annoy, and since she was so far away from his grasp—it would be all too enjoyable to push his buttons.

“How sweet of you to notice.” She said softly. “I’m more of a mountain girl, though. The air is just splendid up here.”

 _“Aw, did I scare the big bad Deputy away?”_ He asked teasingly. _“I’m afraid the arms of my brother will be anything but comforting.”_

The deputy paused as she considered her next words, pondering what was most likely to rile him. She smirked as she raised the radio to her lips.

“Mm, well, I do love me a military man. Especially one as strong and bold as your brother.” She hummed. “Does he always wear camo? I certainly hope so.” She purred breathily. She suppressed a chuckle. John thought he could get the upper hand on her—contacting her out of the blue.

 _“_ Lust _is a sin, Deputy.”_ John hissed—her smirk widened. He was just too goddamn easy.

“I bet he’s an amazing hunter too.” She sighed girlishly. “I love a man that can provide.”

 _“My, my, Deputy, your list of sins just keeps growing.”_ He growled—clearly yet again trying to control his anger with her. She ignored the small tingle that went up her spine from the tone of his voice. She openly smiled as she arrived at a remote cabin.

“Oh, I imagine it’ll just keep growing. I am a sinner after all.” She insisted. “You… aren’t jealous are you John?” She asked slyly.

 _“Jealous of what exactly, Deputy? The peace and quiet over here has been enjoyable.”_ He said casually.

“Aw, John, after all of the chances you’ve taken to contact me—you’ve really given me a different impression.” She sighed. Her eyes followed Boomer as the dog’s ear suddenly perked up, and he ran off ahead. “Anyone with a brain can tell your obsessed with me, John.”

He chuckled, deep and low into the radio.

 _“Oh, Deputy. Your mind must be a mystifying place indeed.”_ He spoke. _“When I receive your confession, I look forward to picking it apart.”_  She rolled her eyes.

“Oh?” She said with a dramatic sigh. “Picking apart my brain? My, you sure have a way with women.”

 _“Just say yes, Deputy, and you’ll find out just how much I do_.” He promised. She smirked slightly and raised her eyebrows in intrigue. Boomer, however, caught her attention as he began barking off in the distance from out of her sight.

“Tempting offer, John, but if I’m going to get your brothers attention—I have lots of work to do. Ciao!” Without waiting for a response, she yet again clicked the radio off as she followed the sound of barking with Peaches at her heel.

\--

Jacob, as it so turned out, was not as much fun to mess with as his brother. In fact, the deputy was more than positive that Jacob had little to no sense of humor—that is unless he had you captured in one of his cages.

The eldest Seed didn’t have time for games, or to engage the deputy in any kind of banter. Instead, his radio messages were mostly vague threats and promises of how he would manipulate her—make her into a stronger human being. All to ‘cull the herd’.

His messages were nothing but chilling, and after being captured by him once—the deputy was certain she would never be able to listen to _Only You_ by The Platters ever again. The song still echoed in her head, and she could still smell the coppery scent of fresh blood all around her.

She was left with few choices. She could head to the Henbane River, where Faith was herald and risk becoming one of the drug-crazed zombies like she had helped Sharky kill, or head back to Holland Valley.

Holland Valley seemed surprisingly the safest place to lay low for a while. The rookie was getting way in over her head, and the desire to survive was gradually becoming more important than the desire to resist… which was a horrible thought indeed.

~~She wasn’t going to admit that she missed John.~~

She felt as though they were fighting a losing battle. After hearing all the cultist music, and recorded speeches made by the family, and Joseph himself—she could see why Joseph had amassed such a following.

Joseph’s teachings and words were not crazy. He spoke of accepting one another, loving one another, and living as a family. It was incredibly easy to see how such a charismatic man was able to start a cultist movement, and incredibly difficult to see how he could be stopped.

His followers were loyal and would do anything for him and his heralds. Was there any chance of getting the cultists to see what Joseph and his family were doing was wrong?

Could Joseph be reasoned with?

Was the deputy the one in the wrong?

Many questions swam endlessly through her head. The morality of her situation was growing vaguer by the day, and the heavy guilt she carried for killing others wasn’t getting any lighter.

If only her schooling had prepared her for something like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I will be away from my laptop for the next few days, so updates may be a bit slow for the rest of the week. Apologies in advance!


	5. The Catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deputy relaxes once again in Holland Valley, and John is a bit too happy to have her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit to post! This story is nearly complete! Only one more chapter after this! :D
> 
> Apologies for any formatting issues! I had to post this from my tablet, instead of my laptop this time.

Holland Valley was far less stressful than the Whitetail Mountains, at least for the time being. The deputy spent most of her time in the liberated town of Fall’s End where Pastor Jerome and Mary May kept her busy with odd jobs and reconnaissance for the resistance.

Rather than returning to Seed Ranch, the deputy stayed in Fall’s End and spent her evenings in the Spread Eagle, which was a usual haunt for Sharky and few of her other friends.

Mary May knew her usual after a day of working with the resistance (whiskey on the rocks) and it was a good place to wind down and be around those she trusted—apart from one or two awkward conversations when Adelaide came around.

“I’m telling you, that guy John has it bad for our dear Deputy.” She insisted to Mary—having explained the conversation she overheard between the deputy and John at his ranch. “If it were me, I’d be looking for him. Maybe all he needs is a good long something-or-nother with her.” The deputy downed the rest of her whiskey and rolled her eyes.

“Adelaide! He’s just trying to get under my skin!” The deputy insisted. Mary May laughed as she washed out a few glasses.

“More likely under your shirt, darlin’” Adelaide hummed. Mary looked at her sympathetically but kept silent.

“I’m going to need a refill…” The deputy said with a sigh as she pushed her empty glass forward.

Otherwise, her evenings at the Spread Eagle were relaxing. Sharky typically drank until he fell asleep at the bar—Hurk occasionally right there with him, while Nick and Kim would sometimes show up to see how everyone was doing.

Normally their appearances ended in the two of them arguing whether or not Kim was pregnant with a boy or girl. It was sweet though, the deputy knew that they were going to be wonderful and loving parents.

Seeing her friends was a breath of normalcy after everything that had been happening, and the deputy was grateful for it.

Surprisingly, her first week back in Holland Valley stayed fairly peaceful and included no words or contact over the radio from John Seed. She began to foolishly believe that John had gotten bored with her and moved on to some other hobby.

This false hope vanished one evening when the deputy was trying to get some sleep before heading off to take on an outpost she and Jess had been planning for over the past few days.

_“Deputy.”_ He purred lowly from her radio. She groaned into her pillow, having just felt the beginnings of sleep to overtake her mind.

“John?” She hissed in response, her middle finger mashing uncomfortably tight into the talk button.

_“My, my. Someone’s grouchy.”_ He said. She rolled her eyes and gnashed her teeth.

“John, it’s fucking 2:30 in the morning. Don’t you have some innocent civilians to drown?” She spat as she glanced at her watch.

_“Aw, my dear Deputy, are you trying to sleep?”_ Fuck him. Fuck him and his goddamn cult.

“No, of course not. I’m busy dealing with some idiot on my radio” Sarcasm oozed into her voice. Normally she would have thought much harder and longer on a good response to piss him off, but she really only desired to get rid of him and return to her rest.

_“Ouch, certainly not a morning person I gather.”_ He was way too fucking cheerful, it was beginning to make her nervous. The alarm bells in her head were enough to shake away any drowsiness she still had.

“What do you want, John?” She hissed, caution behind her words. He hummed in response.

_“Oh, Deputy, I desire many things.”_ He drawled in a deliciously low tone. She nearly groaned in annoyance from how much of an effect his voice had over her sometimes. _“Care to take a guess?”_

“Is leaving me alone out of the question?” She bit back. He laughed.

_“I do enjoy our talks. But I think this one would be better suited in person, don’t you?”_ He spoke confidently. The deputy’s face began to fall as realization began to sink in. _“Be ready, my dear Deputy, my men are coming. I look forward to seeing you.”_

Her eyes widened, and she practically leaped from the bed and flew to the closest window. Already she could hear the sound of tires aggressively spinning against the nearby road, and loud voices nearly drowned out to the chorus of ‘Oh, John’.

Shit.

…

Famous last words of the rookie deputy of Hope County.

\--

The deputy awoke from the pounding in her head, and pain around her wrists. She woke sitting on a cold and hard surface—her chin uncomfortably lax against her chest.

Her mind struggled to awaken in the unfamiliar environment—her mind clouded and unable to recall her most recent waking memories.

As her mind took in the surroundings, she was met with a dark and low lit room cast in a red light from a large chandelier made of antlers. It was old and industrial with various tools and tables. A grin that reminded her of the Cheshire cat caught her gaze, along with brilliant blue eyes watching her with great interest.

John Seed, in the flesh.

Whimpers echoed around the room, drawing her eyes to Deputy Hudson with duct tape over her mouth—tied down in the chair across the room from her.

The deputy roused herself further from her drug-induced slumber—her heart rate increasing at the sight of her partner. She drew her eyebrows together as she stared back at John. Meeting the blue gaze head-on.

“Oh, Deputy. You’ve certainly been causing trouble, haven’t you?” His voice was clear of the radio static she was used to and sounded as though he was greeting an old friend. John Seed in a good mood didn’t mean a good end for her.

She kept her mouth shut as he moved over to a work table and opened a blue toolbox—whistling to the tune of _We’ll Meet Again_ as he did. He began to place tools out and even cleaned off the surface of the table before he stopped, and finally turned back to face the deputy, his posture confident, and relaxed as he gazed at her with a small grin adorning his lips. His eyes were bright as he looked at her, like a lion that had finally cornered its prey.

“My… ‘parents’ were the first ones to teach me about the power of yes.” He began as he casually leaned against the table. Deputy Hudson began to struggle and whimper once again. She could feel he had a speech coming on.

Adrenaline filled the deputy’s veins as she feared what he planned to do, while also trying to formulate a plan against him. A way to escape, or even convince him to let her go. Anything to get her out of the current predicament.

He returned to his toolbox, retrieving a staple gun and… what appeared to be a large piece of flesh.

“One night, they took me into the kitchen, threw me on the ground, and I experienced pain after pain after pain.” He stapled the skin to the work table, then slammed the gun down on the table. The deputy flinched slightly. He watched her for a moment, then picked a smaller metal object with a long needle.

“And when I didn’t think I could take anymore, I did.” He watched her as he walked over to her and grasped the lamp head beside her to face it towards the deputy and turn it on. “Something broke free inside. I wasn’t scared. I was… clear.” He smiled down at her. The deputy realized he was holding a tattoo gun as he attached it to a cord nearby.

“I looked up at them and I started to laugh. All I could say was… Yes.” He turned the gun on with a click of a button, the small device emitting a low buzzing sound. The deputy glared up at him silently, daring him to touch her with it. He smirked, and clicked the device off, and set it down.

“I spent my entire life looking for more things to say ‘yes’ to.” The deputy recoiled into the hard chair as he suddenly drew forward and tore open the top of her shirt. His gaze lingered on her chest and cleavage. She bit back a sarcastic comment on his taste in foreplay—deciding she wasn’t in the best position to be mouthing off.

“I opened up every hole in my body and when those were filled, I created more.” His gaze moved back up, meeting her eyes with his brilliant blue ones. He ignored Joey as she struggled more loudly behind him. He grabbed the bowl of water nearby and grabbed the sponge inside.

“But it was Joseph who showed me just how selfish I was being. Always receiving. Always taking.” He used the sponge to wash the skin he had so recently exposed by tearing her shirt. The cold water was shocking but slightly refreshing. His gaze was steady—almost hungry as he stared down at her. Her mind continued to scramble with ideas. What did he have planned? What was the best way to escape?

He continued to speak to her, but his words were drowned out as the deputy’s mind scrambled for a way out. Perhaps she could distract him?

He was already preoccupied, however, with his speech. Normally the deputy would have formulated of something to say to him, something to rile him up, but he seemed alright on his own to explain his entire life philosophy to her. For that, she was grateful, as it gave her time to think.

Eventually, he moved back to the work table, while she watched him with caution. It drew her attention to what appeared to be a possible exit behind him—illuminated with the same red glow and closed off with a wall of metal bars. Her heart thrummed with excitement over this discovery.

Her breath quickened as her mind continued to run through possible scenarios, the chances she may have to escape. She had already taken note of the fact that her chair had wheels on it. She could pull herself closer if she could get him to leave the room.

Movement of him coming closer to her regained her attention, afraid of what he would do.

“You will swim across an ocean of pain and emerge… free. For only then can you truly begin to atone.” He pointed the screwdriver now in his hand toward the deputy and walked back to her, grazing the metal across the skin of her chest and up to her neck—watching in fascination, then flashing her a smirk before walking back towards his work table.

He relaxed back against it, screwdriver held casually in his hand as he stared intently at the deputy—a small smile still present on his lips.

“So. Who wants to go first? Hm?” His blue eyes stared directly at her.

She glared at him as she hissed out what she knew he wanted to hear from her lips, “yes.”

She watched as excitement lit up his eyes—like a kid on Christmas morning.


	6. The Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally has the deputy in his grasp, and isn't going to let this chance slip by without taking advantage.

He had removed Deputy Hudson from the room, claiming something about how ‘confessions were meant to be private’.

Once left alone, the deputy had time to assess her surroundings, and plan an attempt at escaping before he returned. The room appeared inescapable at first glance, but luck tended to be on the deputy’s side, no matter how dire the situation.

As she was in a chair with wheels, she was able to scoot forward a bit more and notice that she had, in fact, spotted an escape from the room earlier. It was an open doorway, leading to a downwards staircase.

She smirked relief flooding through her.

She was about to pursue that escape route further when the sound of the door opening behind her halted her movements. John had returned—postponing her escape—possibly forever—causing her relief to vanish and replace itself with dread.

“Now then, Deputy. What sin would you like to confess to first?” He asked—his eyes still watching her with bright with excitement as he returned to his work table. Once again, he rested against it, gazing at her at her softly.

“Where did you take Deputy Hudson?” She asked sharply. His eyes darkened, and she saw his jaw clench.

“Deputy Hudson is _safe_ of course, as long as you confess, Deputy.” He responded. It was a veiled threat. No confession, no guarantee her colleague would be safe. She licked her dry lips as she considered her next actions.

“If I stay here and confess, she’ll be okay?” The deputy questioned. A smile broke out over his lips.

“She is perfectly safe her no matter what, Deputy.” He said with a chuckle. “I’m not here to kill you, only to help you atone.” She nearly rolled her eyes. Yeah, your excuse to torture innocent people.

“Fine then. What do you want to know?” She asked him—deciding that if she could keep his attention through conversation, perhaps it would give her more time to formulate a plan of escape. If nothing else, it protected Joey from his wrath.

“How about your name?” he asked, a friendly smile on his lips—as if he hadn’t just kidnapped her, taken her to his ~~sex~~ torture dungeon, and promised to make her swim through an ocean of pain. She raised her eyebrows.

“No, Deputy is fine.” She replied. He narrowed his gaze at her.

“Confessions are meant to be personal and exposing of one’s sins. How is that possible if I only know you by your job title?” He asked, taking a few slow steps towards her. She sneered.

“I like playing hard to get.” She said sarcastically. He chuckled and clapped once.

“There’s the Deputy I know.” He said gleefully. “You’ve been so quiet since arriving.” She allowed her eyes to roll at that one.

“Hm, maybe… I don’t know… because I’m here against my will?” She offered, satire lacing her words. He flashed her a soft smile, then came to stand before her.

“That anger of yours… it’s dangerous, Deputy.” He said. “See that it doesn’t control you.” She noticed with a quick glance that he still held the screwdriver in hand. Knowing he was ready to force a confession out of her, she worked quickly at a distraction.

“Your parents.” She said suddenly—causing his eyes to shift. “I can’t imagine what you went through.” She said honestly. Truly, she couldn’t. She had grown up with loving parents, in a loving family. She had heard horror stories of abusive parents, but never met a victim of it. She felt genuine sympathy for him, it seemed it played a major role in why he turned out the way he did.

“Do not try and distract me, _Deputy_. I am no fool.” He hissed, his fingers gripping the screwdriver more tightly.

“I don’t have much to confess.” She snapped. Looking up at him honestly. Again, she was being genuine. From his gaze, however, he didn’t believe her.

“I’m telling the truth.” She insisted. “I grew up in a normal, and loving family. I didn’t rebel as a teenager like most of my friends did. I loved my parents, I didn’t want to betray their trust.” She told him, opening up to him slightly about her childhood.

He watched her a moment, his light blue eyes looking over her face as he searched for dishonesty. He relaxed slightly after a moment, and stepped back, her eyes flickered back to the fingers around the screwdriver—noticing they had relaxed slightly. She mused that she may be able to slip it from his fingers if she were finally able to wiggle her hands free from the robe that bound them.

Her skin was growing more and more sweaty, allowing her skin to slide more freely within the restraints of the rope.

“Surprising, with all of the death and destruction that follows behind you, I find that hard to believe.” He said to her with apprehension, snapping her from her thoughts. She smirked slightly and looked down at her lap.

“Believe it if you will, but I hadn’t killed anyone before all of this happened.” She spoke softly, and candidly. “In fact, every person that I kill takes away more of my humanity. I don’t enjoy it as you seem to think.” She looked back up at him then, meeting his gaze to prove to him her honesty. His eyes grew more interested.

“Surely the infamous Deputy of Hope County is guilty of many sins.” He mused as he began to pace. The expensive heels of his shoes causing a quiet ‘click’ with each step against the concrete floor. “Let’s start with your childhood.”

Yikes. Maybe getting stabbed repeatedly by a screwdriver would have been better than a therapy session, let alone one with the enemy.

“What do you want to know?” She asked—regretting each word as it left her lips. He smirked slightly as he tapped the head of the screwdriver against his lips.

“So, your parents? They were good to you?” He wondered. She nodded.

“Yeah.” She replied simply. Her breath caught in excitement as her left hand slipped a bit further from the rope—heavily coated in sweat. “My mom was the sweetest person I’ve ever known, and my dad treated me like a princess.” She said honestly—trying not to show the concentration on her face as she attempted to wiggle her left hand free.

“No boyfriends? Girlfriends? Many teenagers succumb to lust.” He said, halting his pacing as he regarded her seriously. She chuckled and shook her head.

“Believe it or not, I was a quiet kid. Easy to ignore.” She said. “I didn’t have many friends in high school, let alone a significant other.” A smile grew over his lips, his gaze becoming even more interested with her.

“My, my, Deputy. You’re an even more interesting subject than I thought you would be.” He said—she could practically feel the excitement oozing off him. This encouraged her subtle struggles against the rope—trying hard not to shift her shoulders and give him any reason to be suspicious. She dug through her brain hoping to find a story to distract him.

“Although, during senior prom, I did blow my date in the bathroom.” She said—recalling the awkward and admittedly gross encounter. It was something she had rather forget altogether—but perhaps the story would serve her well.

John’s eyes flashed, and he drew closer to her, a smirk playing at his lips since she had finally admitted to a sin.

“Oh? And what exactly brought that on?” He wondered, his voice low, an encouraging purr beneath it.

“I wanted to fit in with my friends.” She said with a shrug, using the action to mask a harsher tug against the rope. “They had all these seemingly romantic rendezvous in the bathroom.” She scrunched her nose in disgust at the memory. “In the end, it was anything but romantic.” He chuckled his eyes aglow with intrigue.

“So, lust then…” He said, “or pride? Did you enjoy the encounter?” She raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“No, in fact, it gave me a bad impression of all sexual encounters.” She explained. “For years I thought sex was overrated.” He continued to watch her carefully, an almost hungry look in his eyes. She tugged more tightly against the robes, feeling more of her left hand coming free.

“I’m guessing something changed.” He mused. She smiled slightly, her mind flashing to the time she had sex the first time, how amazing it had been. All from some random guy she met at a bar, as cliché as it was. She had been quite drunk—going back to his place seemed like an amazing idea, she had wanted it.

“Yeah, well, I had to learn sometime that all sex wasn’t like an awkward teenage encounter in a bathroom.” She joked. He smirked slightly but continued to watch her, awaiting her to speak further. She shook her head.

“Look, I really don’t get what you want from me.” She said. “I’m sure I’ve committed just about every sin at some point in my life in some little way.” His nostrils flared, and he was suddenly in her personal space—the smell of the expensive cologne she had grown so comforted by engulfing her senses as he met her gaze.

“I want you to bare yourself to me, Deputy.” He hissed, grasping the back of her neck harshly as her eyes widened in shock. “I want you to release all of your sins to me, no matter how _small_. I will be your pathway to _atonement_ , to _salvation_ within Eden’s Gate.” She stopped struggling against the rope—afraid he would notice from so close.

Damn. John sure could go from zero to sixty without much warning.

She stared back into his eyes, noticing how his pupils were nearly engulfing his blue irises. His gaze was intense and felt as though he was looking right through her and seeing the soul he demanded she lay bare for him.

“Is that all you want?” She joked weakly, and quietly from how close he was. His gaze shifted, and he eyed her lips with the same ravenous stare as before.

“I want you to give me _everything_ , Deputy.” He murmured huskily, “until there is nothing left to give.”

“Greed is a sin.” She had intended to tease him, but her voice was weaker than she had intended—she shifted in her chair. He smirked slightly, resolution melting into his gaze as he stared at her.

“So is _lust_.” He replied.

She hadn’t realized how close he was until his lips were brushing hers. The tickly hair from his beard scratching the soft flesh around her mouth.

She closed her eyes and felt as he moved in closer, using his hand on her neck to press her more closely to him. She felt her mind still as she instinctively kissed him back, and drew closer to his warmth, and comforting scent.

She ignored the thoughts of how insane it all was. She was kissing the enemy, the man who had kidnapped her, and her partner Deputy Hudson. He had planned to torture and likely had already tortured Joey Hudson as well.

Yet… at that moment, she knew only of how good he felt against her, and comfortable she felt in his hold as he pulled her more tightly against him. She wanted nothing more than to let go of it all, give in to his touch and warmth—but in her mind, she knew it was wrong. It screamed at her to fight it, to do everything in her power to resist, but she did not.

After too long a time had passed. He removed himself from her slightly, heavy breaths across her cheeks as she sat in shock, and disgust with herself.

He rested his forehead against hers—a sign of affection that Joseph had given John at the lake.

“Now I see…” John said in a husky breath. “Joseph was right. You are important in all of this…” He was moving away, and the deputy’s disgust grew deeper as she felt herself feeling cold and empty without his touch and closeness.

“I’ll return in a moment, my dearest.” He spoke as he moved towards the door behind her—she kept her eyes cast downwards, but she could hear the eagerness in his tone. “We’ll continue this later.” It was a promise.

After the sound of the door closing shut, and the clicking of his heels retreated further, the deputy raised her head in resolution—her left hand finally slipping free.

She was going to get the hell out of dodge.

\--

Days passed after the deputy had escaped from John’s bunker, relatively unscathed. She had made her way to the Henbane River and was busy helping Sheriff Whitehorse rescuing captured resistance members.

Faith was a difficult opponent and made it easy for the deputy to distract herself from her own confusing emotions regarding John Seed.

She was even reunited with Sharky, finding him at an outpost with Hurk where they were declaring revenge on her capture by setting the whole place on fire. The resistance lost some potential resources from their attack, but she couldn’t help but be relieved they were still holding up okay and flattered that they went through such lengths to enact ‘revenge’ for her.

After that, the deputy traveled with Hurk and Sharky through the Bliss-filled fields of the Henbane River, ready to leave Holland Valley behind for a good long while.

_“Oh, Deputy?”_ She froze.

_“Surely, you didn’t think we were done with your confession? I’m ready to hear you say ‘yes’ again, my dear.”_ His voice purred. An involuntary shudder ran up the deputy’s spine. She could vividly remember his cologne—his smooth voice, the press of his lips—

A passing resistance vehicle played a familiar song from its radio. The strange coincidence was not lost on her.

_We’ll meet again... Don’t know where... Don’t know when…._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit to update!
> 
> Well, this is it! Thanks everyone! I've had a blast writing this. If anyone is interested, I've been thinking of a writing a few oneshots that take place post this story, in place of making an actual sequel. I'm not good at writing chapter based stories, so i usually stick to oneshots. This happened to be a rare exception! If anyone is interested in some oneshots (featuring more radio banter, and Sharky) let me know!


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